better best forgotten

some things are better best forgotten.

never these words became truer for me than now. i am letting go of the past. along with the people i've met. these memories/things were not exactly horrendous but the things underneath the smiles and waves were the ones that's cursing me right now. i didn't know that for the past years the genuine love and support that i gave was repaid by jealousy and stubborness and pride and hate. i've never met someone such, until i met _. Never again will i allow myself to be part of _'s charades, and never again would i give concern and genuine human feelings. never i again would i be generous enough to wallow with _, in the dark and share _ pain. Never.

so now, _ would never recieve even a slightest bit of friendship from me. i will not be rotten towards _, in fact i will be civil. i am not up for revenge, i am up for forgiveness. i will never be like _, because i will never forgive muself if i became _.

i am not trying to be clean here. i am far from clean. i myself am "muddied" with sins and "dirtied" with bitchy-ness. but there is a limit to what i can take and as far as i am concerned here... _ have cross the line.

enjoy your life. live it to the fullest. and hope that pillars that _ standing on doesnt break, with a soft cushion to break _ fall.

happy life to us all.

savvy.

savvy...

nearly...

i can taste it.

the bitter aftertaste of a sweet marmalade (thesis defense)
the gnawing and thawning pain of seizures (media law)
and the stirring and slurring sensation of a roller coaster ride (businessjrn)

we are so close to the end.

+++

its been a while since i last blogged. gawd. i've been busy. im wishing for all of this to finally end and be lifted off the agony of college life. so much stuffs been given to us... its like our professors decided that we should give them extra hard time, before they go... this year is the most painful and yet rewarding year in all of my education year. because this is the last straw. there is no turning back.. you cannot undo the mistakes you did. you cannot stop train to adulthood now, its now or never.

im pretty scared of my future. im not really sure whether i want to be an adult or not. i want to keep on studying. keep on learning. i still wanna hide behind my mother's shadow, scared of the future and the real world. but... if im gonna be like this for the rest of my life, then im a useless matter occupying space.

but one things for sure, i wanna study more. i wanna take up culinary arts. i wanna cook, and feed people.

i wanna be stuck in a hot kitchen concocting delirious muffins, delectable pastries, i wanna burn every inch of my hands in coming up with the most sensous and tingling food. i wann be just like that.

movie thing...

the hunt is on.

wow. segway. the guy infront of me, looks a lot like chito miranda.

ahahaha.

yesterday was a total collapse of my entire body. not only did i walk 10 blocks, i walked under the blistering heat of the sun. not to mention i haven't taken a bath yet, and wearing only shorts.

whatever.

+++

serious mode.

jas and i watched 3 movies yesterday. edward scissorhands, the libertine and sleepy hollow.
all johnny depp films.

+++

ahahaha... laughing hysterically...

jade, jas, pete, pam and i planned to a movie marathon after the thesis defense.
the movies we're going to watch, here's the list:

pirates of the carribean 3
sweeney todd
enteng kabisote
the curse of the golden flower
a scanner darkly
babel
kasal, kasali, kasalo (jas and pam only)

i didn't know we have the same affection for gong li. the only problem we'll going to have is reading the subtitles rather than watching the film.

well enteng kabisote is a given. but i think pete would watch another film, i dont think pete is MASA material.

in kasal, kasali, kasalo, jas and pam are the only ones, who'd wanna watch it. im never the romantic-juday-crying-film watcher. never. i'd rather watch comedy or action rather than films like this. don't get me wrong, if there are juday fans out there, i watch juday's films, but not this kind. i like her in i will survive and the one with piolo, where she pretended to be pipa's mom... and other films, but not with wowie de guzman.

....

my first quiapo nazarene experience

twas my first time ot join the nazareno feast yesterday. wasnt even thinking of going to quiapo, and yet there i was braving the plaza miranda, barely breathing and walking. being pushed around and rubbing sweat againts sweat of people i dont even wanna describe. being the neatfreak and claustrophobe that i am, you can imagine me, being dragged around with other people's sweat on my skin. not to mention, my feet being stepped on by various worshippers without their slippers on.

but luckily, i survived unscathed.

the main reason i even went to quiapo was my landlady, who happens to be a dentist with a clinic next to the church invited us.

we went there around 3 or 4 and finally reached her clinic around 5. ate a little then watched as the manila politicians and the priest's homilies battle it out to win the crowd. seriously, politicinas should have the audacity and respect, a mass is going on, they shouldn't be campaigning and talking in their respective megaphones and mics, all they're saying anyways are bullshits..

so back to my quiapo exp., after the other poons have passed, the black nazarene finally showed its face at the crowd... it was AWESOME! so CAPTIVATING. it's like christmas all over again. grabe. everyone was cheering, everyone was waving their towels/hankies, everyone was chanting viva! twas so great!! spectacular! its the first time i've ever been into these sorts of worships.. its fun. try it!

blah

i've never been so bored in my entire life.

well not exactly.

ive been bored before.

+++

cool ung new shirt ng journsoc. worth the wait of 4 years. trip ko ung chocolate brown. whoever designed that shirt should be given an award. and a good spanking. y? because he could have prevented the bad rpint and logo of the journshirts before. unless he/she is a sophomore or a freshie, which i doubt. siguro junior pwede pa. tsaka senior lalo na.

wala na kong masabi.

+++

blah!

new years

wow. 2006 has left the building. finally.

2006 was:

+ full of unnecessary drama
+ bitching
+ uncontentment
+ anxiety to us, graduating students
+ jealousy. cmon. don't be fake. you're all so jealous you cant talk
+ re-evaluations of friendship standpoint
+ hectic-bizzarre-erratic work schedules
+ truthfulness and lies
+ love abloom
+ sincerity at its worst
+ selfishness
+ hanging out
+ passing out
+ failures
+ success
+ natural disasters + man made disasters = death
+ moving out
+ harmony
+ cha cha!
+ a promise of a better year
+ ....

so long and dont ever gloom my day.

+++

note: sarcastic shit ahead

to all of you. y'all know im not really capable of showing genuine caring and loving and apologetic emotions so think of this as an emotion. just an emo. without an adjective or verb accompanying it. so here goes.

thank you. to all the shits y'all put me through. without it, i may be weak as a new born chick.
thank you. for all the kindness and patience with a shithead like me.
thank you. to all the bitches and bastards that ruined my 2006. i'll get back.
thank you. to jerry bruckhiemer and anthony zuiker. without them i will be lost.
thank you. perez hilton. for all the hollywood shits.
thank you. britney for wearing underwear.
thank you. great authors of books.
thank you. thank you. thank you. 2006. will bringing me closer to adulthood.